It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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