I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
