Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
