just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
