worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
