dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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