I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
