direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
