just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
They have beer where we have blood.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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