An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
