I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
