Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
