I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
