I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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