everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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