Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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