she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
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fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
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too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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