College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
