I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
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Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
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my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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