Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
