you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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