my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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