dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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