So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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