So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
