when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
