shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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