I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
