Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
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OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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