Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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