so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
