I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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