Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
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So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
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You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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