I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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