How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
