WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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