Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
