Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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