I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize