So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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