I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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