He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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