I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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