there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
