i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
