i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
me + whiskey = a bad person
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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