You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
