i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
