I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
