overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
