She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
