smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
