I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
