Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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