U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
