Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize