Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
