I can tuck mytits in my pants
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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