Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?

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(313): At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit? http://tfl.nu/h53l

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(314): View more from Missouri

Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.

(314): View more from Missouri

Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..

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(314): Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was. (314): Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night.. http://tfl.nu/wswl

Replies (74) Good night (1306) Bad night (6211)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg

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(508): he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg http://tfl.nu/z4cs

Replies (5) Good night (493) Bad night (2690) Order T-Shirt
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(334): View more from Alabama

Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.

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(334): Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened. http://tfl.nu/9jlv

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(909): View more from California

I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.

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(909): I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho. http://tfl.nu/pviw

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(716): View more from New York

angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up

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(716): angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up http://tfl.nu/mr2g

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(970): View more from Colorado

ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"

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(970): ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and" http://tfl.nu/hqw1

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...

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(570): Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings... http://tfl.nu/2ar0

Replies (6) Good night (814) Bad night (1957) Order T-Shirt
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(856): View more from New Jersey

I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.

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(856): I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything. http://tfl.nu/b77d

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(208): View more from Idaho

make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.

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(208): make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say. http://tfl.nu/7pqa

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(661): View more from California

It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring

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(661): It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring http://tfl.nu/4h9t

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(972): View more from Texas

Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult

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(972): Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult http://tfl.nu/j3hz

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"

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(508): Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!" http://tfl.nu/hrv9

Replies (6) Good night (1983) Bad night (646)
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(928): View more from Arizona

You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.

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(928): You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today. http://tfl.nu/ne6p

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(225): View more from Louisiana

My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am

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(225): My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am http://tfl.nu/6fcm

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