That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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